the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
