My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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