her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
