I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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