i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
