My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
