all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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