i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
