Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
