Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
