I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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