Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
