a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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