Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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