There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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