i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
