Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
