I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
