Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
