the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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