even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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