im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
