Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Semen is not good for contacts.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
