just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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