look no pants
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
