rhymes with "ouble enetration"
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
