why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
