When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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