dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
