i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
