Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
