omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
