well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
honey bunches of taint.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
