You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
