If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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