She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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