A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
