Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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