if you like me you must not know who I am
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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