I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
