I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Vodka?
Forever.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I need water and some morals
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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