So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
