Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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