You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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