Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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