walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
