I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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