Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
