I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
