how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
