Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Randomize
