Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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